BEING AUTHENTIC TO YOURSELF- a whole new perspective to become confident

It's overwhelming to see how much the social media culture has influenced the spread of information about "what it means to be confident" or "the secret sauce to becoming confident." Most of these self-confidence gurus approach the topic from a perspective where confidence as a human and soul comes from external validation. Titles like "Dress like this to kill your confidence," "4 Steps to becoming confident as F!" or "How to be more Confident: fake it till you make it" couldn't be further away from reality.

Be authentic to yourself, a new perspective to become confident, Photo by: karolina Grabowska

How I dare to disclaim that? Even though, there are thousands of books and courses around the globe suggesting that confidence is a matter of nice clothes and body language? My own life experience can ensure you that nice, fancy clothing and the language of your body may translate your confidence, but they don't truly sustain the base of being confident at all.

Let me take you back to where it all began...

Since I was a child, I struggled with my self-image, feeling misunderstood by the world around me. Despite being the pretty and popular girl at school, I always felt like an ET. I was a highly sensitive and emotionally intelligent girl, being highly sensitive and emotionally intelligent didn't earn me any credit; instead, it took away appreciation from my parents and my closest circle, making me the black sheep, the emotionally intense girl of the family.

What happens to any little girl or boy who isn't validated and seen by their parents and those around them? We develop issues with our own self-image, endlessly comparing ourselves with every person around us, and constantly questioning WHO WE ARE and OUR WORTH because we grow up feeling we are wrong, there must be a problem with us.

In my case, this lack of self-acceptance of my authentic self led me to develop bulimia during my teen years. It was a response to my inner struggles and the inner hole of unworthiness residing inside myself. This certainly isn't a post about eating disorders and how I overcame my bulimia. Rather, it's a post about how that wound was the foundation of my lack of confidence for years, and how I realized that confidence is more a matter of an inner state where you accept and validate yourself without needing external approval.

"Self-confidence comes from within," some may say, but the bigger question is: what do they mean? Is it as easy as plugging into that thought and bam! I'm confident! Certainly not. As my experience showed me, being confident is the result of your capacity to embrace and accept the way you are, both your light and dark. This doesn't mean you can't strive for improvement, but once you make peace with your strengths and weaknesses in all aspects of yourself (inside and out) - this is part of the shadow work, by the way - you can have a better relationship with yourself, liberate yourself from the expectations of others, and confidently be just the way you are without seeking approval from others.

Okay, so if confidence comes from that, how I can be authentic to myself and become confident?

• It is a process of removing layers to find out first who you are. We grow up in a world that constantly tells us what is right or wrong, and how things should or should not be done, causing our inner voice to get lost. The first step to freeing yourself and embracing yourself is by discovering who you are, not who you have been told to be, either by external agents or by your past story.

• To remove those layers, healing every aspect of your being that doesn't allow you to align with the version of the self, you know you are meant to be, is essential. In my case, healing my bulimia and the relationship I had with my body was part of the process, but it was just the beginning. Cleaning my palette in every aspect of my multidimensionality (mind, emotions, energy, body, and soul) was the answer to creating a different base, a different narrative within, that allowed me to see my real self and stand up for it without remorse (learn more about the principle of multidimensionality and the basics of self-healing)

It's important to keep in mind that becoming confident may be a lifelong process as we keep evolving and growing. We will keep finding new exciting information about ourselves, forcing us to level up into a new version of ourselves. Although, I can ensure that being confident isn't about being perfect and feeling always sure about yourself.

Being confident means you have created a rooted foundation where you are at peace with your own process and you feel comfortable in your own skin, no matter where you are. I have done a lot of self-healing and inner work over the last 13 years, and despite that, I still, sometimes find myself rocking in the wonders of who I am.

But what makes me confident and the way I have built my confidence through the years isn't because I feel like a badass every day and night. It's because I had built a foundation where I see myself, respect myself, and accept myself wherever the circumstances are. Because I trust and am confident that the way I am at that moment, is the right one. So beyond being perfect and feeling like a queen all the time, I embrace where I am and who I'm in that specific moment.

BEING CONFIDENT IS TO LET YOUR VULNERABILITY AND STRENGTH BE SEEN AT THE SAME TIME.

Ps: when you embrace this way of being confident, this translates effortlessly into every aspect of yourself (your energy, your frequency, your body, your language, your look) because as it is inside, it reflects outside.

xoxo, Jen

Don't forget to share your experiences and thoughts about your own journey with self-confidence. I would love to hear them. Do not forget to share this post if you deeply resonate, as together we can raise and build consciousness for a healed world.

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About Jen

I'm an Intuitive healer, Inner Wellness and Conscious Lifestyle mentor, trauma-informed coach, author, & mom. After facing bulimia disorder, trauma from abortion, depression, childhood abandonment, ancestral trauma, toxic relationships, and a poor and victim mindset, I decided to take responsibility for my life, stop the struggle and create a new life design in alignment with my soul.

Over 13 years of inner work, I discovered the importance of understanding that we are MULTIDIMENSIONAL BEINGS: body, emotions, mind, energy, soul & more. ​We need to heal and integrate every part of our multidimensionality in order to transform with long-lasting results & design the life we desire. Today I keep teaching the basis of self-healing, spiritual transformation, and lifestyle design led by the soul, while balancing my role as the mom of Zen.

GET TO KNOW MORE ABOUT MY STORY & PURPOSE